Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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