im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize