Is it normal to miss your booty call?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
