HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
