We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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