i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
