she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize