You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
