dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
