I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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