You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I stole a fireplace last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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