i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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