sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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