You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
