dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
