that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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