Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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