i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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