I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
