im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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