first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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