in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
