I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize