It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
