the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize