So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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