i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
