cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
