I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
