the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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