My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
