he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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