I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
