you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you bring me the toilet please
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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