Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
