cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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