3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
