I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
