I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
