I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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