It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
