At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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