i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
