Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
