This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
