I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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