Your tits are I can't wait for
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
