I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
