I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
