I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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