quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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