More tranny stories later!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
