you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
