I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
