Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
