Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
