Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
