I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
