So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
