did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
