You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
