you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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