I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize