What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize