apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
