It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
