hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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