The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
