My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize