he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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