Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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