They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
