Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
