I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
