Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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