Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
