i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
