Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
