this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
