Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
