You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
