It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
