My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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