Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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