Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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