I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
