I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
