bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
did i walk over a car last night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
