you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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