So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
