Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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