what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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