Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
