you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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