I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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