What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
